Okay, first things first, the wonderful Mrs. Noralee Moore
made some great food tonight. She made grilled chicken with some broccoli and cauliflower
topped with some terrific cheese sauce. She said it wouldn’t be anything worth
writing home about but that’s just not true. You’ve got to be an intern to
experience her cooking though because, “I don’t cook for the groups, only when
there’s no groups.” That’s reason enough to be an intern.
“This is your
life, are you who you want to be? Is it everything you dreamed that it would be
when the world was younger and you had everything to lose?” This is the chorus
to This is Your Life, by Switchfoot. If you are a Christian, you may read this
and be offended because of verses like Galatians 2:20, “I have been crucified
with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in
the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for
me.” According to the verse, it is no longer our life if we are following
Jesus. How can you be who you want to be and still be a Christian? The answer
is simple; God gives you a new heart and changes you through the Holy Spirit.
God reveals to us a better life with a better perspective and purpose. Why
would we choose to live a life expecting this broken world we live in to ever
make us complete or satisfied? Why would we choose brokenness over perfection?
Only the eternal God can satisfy and complete us. For clarities sake, I’m
talking about characteristics you hold as a person, not status or location. We
have a significant impact on our personal growth. We choose each and every day
how we want to live. Do you want to be a person who trusts God and takes
action? You make choices everyday on remaining still or moving forward. It is
miserably difficult and often exhausting to face your demons, giants,
strongholds, insecurities, or whatever you want to call them. Do you want to
continue carrying them or do you want to be free from them? This is your life,
are you who you want to be?
“Love must be sincere, Hate what is evil; cling to what is
good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above
yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving
the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share
with God’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality. Bless those who
persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn
with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be
willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.”
-Romans 12:9-16
These verses show that our life is not about us, but
everything we do should be about God and pointing people to Jesus.
We will never reach perfection on this earth, but that is
not a valid excuse to ignore and accept our insecurities as permanent. Long
story short, I struggle with depression that is rooted in relationships ending
in a way where I am given the message that I am simply not worth the time or
effort of those other people. I can trace the beginnings back to junior high,
even though I didn’t have any breakdown or deep depression until 2 ½ years ago.
I still have to struggle against returning to that place when relationships
end, even if everything ended well. It is a scar that I have. I don’t want to
be insecure with relationships coming to an end. I hate that it makes me slow
to engage people. I hate that it makes me shy away from confrontational
conversations that need to happen. I hate that it makes me not be playful,
sassy, engaging, sing, dance, and in general, share the contagious joy God has
given me. I hate that it makes me hesitate to start new relationships
wholeheartedly. I hate that it takes so long for me to be myself around other
people. I hate that I am insecure with relationships coming to an end. I want
it to be gone. I often wonder if it ever will be gone. I look at the progress I
have made over the past couple years and am encouraged because I see change. I
am by no means past it, but I see that God is working on freeing me from these
insecurities and scars. It is not easy and I have not seen rapid change
occurring overnight, but I see change. Slow and steady, patiently persevering
because I want to be that man God is leading me to be. This is your life are
you who you want to be?
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you
trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy
Spirit.”
-Romans 15:13
This is your life, are you who you want to be? If not, then
why? Do you feel you can’t change, that you can’t overcome? God gives us
significant power.
“But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it
patiently. In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know
what we ought to pray for, but words cannot express. And he who searches our
hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the
saints in accordance with God’s will.”
-Romans 8:25-27
God wants to help us be past our insecurities. He cares
about us. It will be uncomfortable and outside our comfort zone but it will be
worth it. I have never known God to fall short in my life. How much do you want
to be past your insecurities? That is a question you have to ask yourself each
and every day.
Ok, so how does this relate to me being in El Salvador? Well
it doesn’t relate to much of anything specific. Nothing unexpected anyway. A
group has just left so I am faced with fighting off depression because of relationships
ending. I may get to stay in touch with some friends I made these past couple
weeks, but it will be the last time for some of them. I have to constantly
remind myself that my identity is in Jesus and lean on Him to save me from
myself. God save me from myself, such a difficult situation being in need of
rescue from my own tendencies and past.
Can I change? Can you change?
“For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit
of power, of love and of self-discipline.”
-2 Timothy 1:7
Yes, we can change when we rely on God. God did not give us
a spirit so weak that we could not get past our insecurities, He gave us a
spirit of power, love, and self-discipline. Have courage to become who God has
made you to be. All the seemingly minor changes or battles add up to a
significant change. Slow and steady, patiently persevering through your life to
become that person. Be deliberate in your decisions, you decide who and what
you will run to when you face those demons, giants, strongholds, or
insecurities. Press forward.
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